In a few years, I think one of the most debated parts of the Biden presidency is going to be his appointment of Merrick Garland as Attorney General and his keeping on of Garland throughout all four years. I’m not staking out a position on that here; that’s just my prediction of the discourse. Garland succeeded William Barr, one of those conservatives whose idea of “small government” meant giving more and more power to the President. Barr came after Jeff Sessions, known primarily for his pre-AG days of being a general good ol boy sort of racist. So from a racist to a dangerous ideologue to a man history might label a skosh incompetent. How can we ever improve on that? Well, Donald Trump rolled and in and his first instinct was alleged sex pest. That is… in keeping with his other two picks. But this time around he and Matt Gaetz got together, Trump probably went, “Matt Gaetz–Heh, gay…” and lost track of his train of thought, called up Pete Buttigieg, went, “Where’s my train, Booty-man?” and then laughed and laughed because Pete actually is gay.
Okay, dicking around over. Gaetz withdrew his nomination and Trump has instead said he intends to nominate former Attorney General of Florida Pam Bondi. It’s a bit of an on the nose name for a Republican woman involved in the criminal justice system. It’s like she was written by a playwright who loves low-effort puns. My type of writer, whoever it is.
So. Is Bondi a pick like RFK Jr, primarily plucked up for loyalty and conspiracy theories, or is she more like Representative Lori Chavez-DeRemer, who, from what I can tell, is a passionate pro-union conservative who I probably have strong disagreements with but so far in my research seems like a primarily decent human who wants to better the world, like most of us do?
Well. It seems she might be more like Spam Bondi, because like most of Trump’s picks, she’s a bit metaphorically like a pig groveling around at his feet and in his shit. Let’s talk about it. But first, for balance, a little compliment: I scrolled through Bondi’s Twitter page and it seems like she mostly stays off social media. That’s something I can appreciate in a public figure. I think social media at large has inflated the daring, edgy egos of people who call themselves “populists” as if that word is synonymous with “trollish assholes,” which, I guess based on my last video, might be true. I will not be delving into the events she held with Scientologists, instead taking her word on it that she was willing to meet with them purely for the reason of talking with whatever groups she could to curtail human trafficking. Her office said it was important to work with anyone they could on issues like that, and, at least broadly speaking, I agree. It’s the sort of practical argument I can appreciate. It’s like when AOC works with Ted Cruz or when the Project 2025 advisory group National Center for Public Policy Research works with other disability advocacy groups on issues of accessibility and disabled rights regardless of other important disagreements. Wins are wins. And I can appreciate someone who is willing to work with whoever they have to in order to better the world in some way, even if they have massive, important disagreements that would otherwise take precedence.
Likewise, I am not going to comment on her stint as a lobbyist for Qatar. Qatar is horrid violator of human rights. If you remember leading up to their hosting of the World Cup, they were harshly criticized for the amount of migrant workers who died constructing the stadium, for their slave labor, and for the queer people they arrested and murdered for the crime of being gay. I do not like that Bondi worked for Qatar. It is similar to how I do not like Ilhan Omar having accepted a gift from Qatar. But. As of time of writing, there isn’t enough information for me to truly comment on it. She worked for them on the topic of human trafficking. I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt here and, as of right now, claim this was a form of human rights advocacy trying to better Qatar.
With that out of the way, let’s dive into the Bond, Pam Bond…i cinematic universe.
One - Brokeback Mountain
Because her name is somewhat like a character in a play or movie, we’re going to do our numbered list in the form of movies or movie puns. You’re welcome. Based on the Brokeback of it all, you can probably this is the queer section. But it’s a secret double pun that’ll reveal itself alongside tragedy, much like the movie itself.
One of Bondi’s relatively few Tweets over the past few years was to up an appearance she made on Fox News. Bit of self-promo. Mood. That’s also what I use social media for, that and looking at hot guys kissing. This Fox spot saw Bondi talking about a lawsuit she was arguing as part of America First Policy Institute. Bondi and the plaintiffs alleged that Poudre School District violated parental rights by transing their kids.
Now, for any conservatives watching this, I want to clear to you: being queer is not a disease. It is not something you catch. It is not something you are taught to be. The social contagion argument is a lie of fearful hysteria. The schools are not transing your kids. If your kid comes out as trans, whether they’re 13 or 23 or 56, it’s not because they were tricked or groomed or infected. It’s because they’re trans. And if they chose to come out to you, it was a difficult choice. It took me a long time to come out as gay. I didn’t tell my parents until my senior year of college. It is a scary thing. If your kid tells you this, there’s a good chance it is because they feel comfortable, safe, and loved. You should first and foremost, take the compliment. Even when you know a person will accept and love you, it is a scary thing to do.
Okay. So back to Pam Bondi’s lying lawsuit. The claim was that discussing gender identity and romantic orientation flies against parental rights. That is… horeshit. Sorry, it’s a terrible argument. Parental rights in education… pretty much only extend to whether or not your kid goes to public school. Parents don’t have a right to control curriculum or after school clubs. In fact, that’s exactly what the Judge ruled when she dismissed the case. Both claims in the lawsuit were dismissed. This ruling came down in December 2023. I was not able to find an update for it so I don’t believe Bondi and her fellows pursued it further. They took the L. Hm. Why not try to take it all the way up to SCOTUS if she was so passionate and convinced in her arguments that were summarily dismissed in court?
Why might Bondi cease pursuing something she’s allegedly so passionate about? I mean, it’s one of the few things she’s shared on her Twitter. Well. When it comes to LGBT people, Bondi seems love not bareback like a twink but brokeback as in she doesn’t have a spine. Shocking.
In 2014, Bondi was vehemently anti-gay marriage. She said that gay marriage would harm Floridians. She was so scared of the public harm of we gays getting married. This is familiar to me. Gay marriage became reality all across the US the summer before my senior year of high school, in 2015, right before I left home for the Governor Scholar’s Program. I grew up in a small, conservative, religious Kentucky town. Twitter and Facebook went ablaze with all of these people I went to school with, their parents, and so on warning of the end days. This was of the devil! Ahhh! And yet it was one of the best, most hopeful days of my life. Ever since I was 12, I’ve done the dorky corny thing of imagining my wedding. I want a husband. I’m quite boring, I know. It’s so fun that there were a bunch of people in my personal life and a bunch of politicians who claim to love the American people busy talking about how my capability to love would bring about apocalyptic damage to my fellow citizens. If you’re a conservative, I just want you to imagine that a bit. Put yourself in my shoes. All you want is to get married one day. And for that, the internet tells you you must have repressed sexual trauma. That you’re destined to harm children. That you are the reason God is unhappy. That you are evil. That your capability for love is damaged and disgusting and harmful.
I want to believe in people's capability to grow. Some of the people I went to high school with who posted horrible things that day went on to be really kind and accepting as the years went by. Others became much more hateful. I have a harder time of that with political figures. I want to forgive because that’s kind of person I want to be. I have put a lot of work into being more optimistic and naive and trusting because… Sometimes you have to train yourself in ways to survive and live and fight your own brain. I want to accept that in 2016, when she said those arguments weren’t how she felt as a person, that she was doing her duty as Attorney General of Florida, that she grew. I want to. But I don’t. And, to be honest, part of me hates myself for that.
In 2017, Bondi said she supported workplace protections for LGBTQ Americans. That’s great. But. To be cynical for a moment, as a treat, I don’t trust her.
In 2014, when Republicans were energized against gay marriage, Bondi claimed it would do serious public harm to Floridians. In 2016, when the Republican base seemed not to care much about gay marriage and poll after poll showed massive support across the country, she claimed her arguments in court did not represent her. In 2017, when anti-trans messaging was not polling well with majority of Americans, after the Carolina bathroom bill was thoroughly trashed and rejected, she voiced support for employment non-discrimination laws for gay and trans people. In 2023, she decided that being trans is a social contagion, a disease one can be tricked into. What is clear, here, is that Bondi is feckless. She will go wherever the winds blow when it comes to civil rights. As with Nikki Haley, she hedges her bets, and she has no spine.
Bondi has demonstrated a willingness to argue positions she doesn’t believe in or to disavow past actions in a way such as she has to take no responsibility. It is not something she regrets or did wrong. It is merely something she did. She had to. She had no choice.
Will Bondi be willing to enforce Bostock? She previously voiced support, after all, for employment non-discrimination years before Bostock. But the Trump Admin opposed Bostock. Conservatives at large in 2024 are anti-trans. Half of the loudest segments are anti-gay. She has argued on Fox that trans people are created in an insidious effort to de-cis people. She pretends to think trans girls are made from guys playing forced fem porn games.
What other lies is she willing to defend? To argue? How will she betray her morals and her fellow citizens?
Two - The Big Lie-bowski
Pam Bondi attempted to help Trump steal the 2020 election.
Donald Trump lost the 2020 election. There is no question about that. No claims of fraud held up in court. Trump’s attempts to overturn the election failed at every turn because they were baseless and absurd, and even the justices who would have preferred a second Trump term were not willing to throw away democracy in order to do that.
Bondi went on Fox News to claim Pennsylvania was being stolen from Trump by counting fake and illegally cast ballots. When Fox, one of the friendliest places she could go, asked for clarification and evidence or anything really to lend credence to what she was saying, Bondi refused to. That is because she was making stuff up. Bondi was not attempting to reveal the truth or protect the American voter. She was putting on a performance of loyalty to Donald Trump in service of his dangerous big lie. She confidently declared that Trump won Pennsylvania that year. Oops, no he didn’t.
It appears Trump still hasn’t let go of this lie, either. An article for NBC says, “Trump expects the Justice Department to investigate his long-discredited claims of widespread fraud in the 2020 election.” Oh. Guess Bondi’s relationship to the Big Lie hasn’t ended yet. Trump is the sort of manchild baby who can’t gracefully accept any loss. He can’t accept loss ungracefully either. TO have had the American people reject him once stands in the way of his claims of being the destined leader of the populist masses, and populists can’t bear the idea that their stories are wrong.
This seems to be a pattern of behavior for Bondi that calls into question her character. She is willing to lie, fearmonger, demonize her fellow Americans, and make asinine legal theories readily thrown out of court. William Barr, for all his faults, refused to go along with Trump’s 2020 election scheme and lies. Bondi has shown a willingness to go along with it.
The current pattern in American politics is a rejection of incumbancy. This is in part because the people long for populism and populism is not a series of political beliefs. It’s incoherent anger. 2016, 2020, and 2024 all went against whatever party held the White House. Let’s say that continues. If she is the Attorney General in 2028 and Vance or Ramaswamy throws a fit over losing Georgia, if they start claiming the election is being stolen from them with no credible evidence of such, it seems pretty clear that she’ll go along with them. Bondi is primed to use the Justice Department to subvert democracy. And then, when she fails once again, two years later she’ll be saying she was simply doing her job. It didn’t speak to her actual opinions. Sometimes destroying democracy is what you have to do. After all, if the Sith remain in power, it makes them like you more. And it’s better to be liked by the comically evil villains.
Three - Revenge of the Sith
It’s statistically likely that some people voted for Trump because he was facing criminal liability for those crimes he committed, and they viewed that as weaponizing the criminal justice system. Somehow, they thought the guy who promised to go after his political enemies would be the… DOJ independence candidate?
Well, congratulations to them, because Pam Bondi as head of the DOJ will… Probably go after Trump’s enemies. More specifically, she wants to go after anyone who dared prosecute Trump for those crimes he did. NBC News reports on past comments of hers promising to do as much. “The question now is whether Bondi, if confirmed, will keep her public promise that ‘the prosecutors will be prosecuted.’”
Here’s what PBS has to say, “As president, Trump demanded investigations into political opponents like Hillary Clinton and sought to use the law enforcement powers of the Justice Department to advance his own interests, including in trying to overturn the results of the 2020 election. Bondi appears likely to oblige him.”
According to PBS, Bondi was a fan of the “Lock Her Up!” chants re: Hillary Clinton. This sort of reveals the game many conservatives have been playing: They do believe in weaponizing the Justice Department. They just want to make sure it’s never used to bring any of them or their cohorts to justice.
Donald Trump is a convicted felon. There is nothing Bondi can do to change that. I do want to clarify something, though, from the side of progressives and Democrats, at least the ones I know and have talked to. We do not care if criminal Democrats are found to be criminals in a court of law and are then held responsible for any crimes. If Bill Clinton, as some allege, is an Epstein client and there is evidence to convict him, then he should be convicted. Bob Menedez should face justice for his alleged bribery and corruption charges. No politician should be above the law.
Here’s something I think the majority of Americans can find common ground on: politicians who committed insider trading over the coming COVID-19 pandemic, enriching themselves through stock trades in mask manufacturers, Pfizer, and so on, should have faced liability for those actions, especially those who did so and did not immediately warn their constituents.
I have no blind loyalty to a politician. I longed for an Elizabeth Warren presidency. If Elizabeth Warren attempted to subvert democracy or cheated her taxes or, heck, drank and drive, I would still want her to face justice for these things. I look forward to voting for AOC for president one day. If somehow AOC does some sort of quid pro quo with DSA, my desire to vote for her is not going to make me wish she’s immune to the consequences of her actions. I think any of the Democrats, Republicans, and Independents who were involved in the CIA’s history of torture should face prosecution for that if possible. If it turns out that any of the staffers of the late Senator Dianne Feinstein acted in a way that amounted to elder abuse and/or defrauding the American people, they should be investigated and tried for that. While I think a lot of the “Joe Biden is brain dead” rhetoric was ableism directed towards a worsening stutter, if Trump discovers credible evidence that there was a cover-up regarding Biden’s mental faculties, I don’t mind the idea that those responsible are held responsible.
But. For this to make sense, for it to seem balanced, for it to not be a weaponization of the Justice Department because Trump is a special big boy who needs to have his anger mollified, criminal Republicans too must be gone after. Before Gaetz dropped out, there was talk about leaking his ethics report. Majorie Taylor Greene threatened to retaliate if it was and leak all the potential crimes committed by her colleagues. I think that’s unethical of her, and quite dumb politically. Because now if Bondi does political prosecution, she has to follow MTG’s threat. If there are politicians of any party paying to shut up people accusing them of abuse, sexual assault, or discrimination, we the American People deserve to know about it. If you’re truly “draining the swamp,” a vague populist promise that doesn’t mean much, then the swamp has to be revealed. My senators are Reverand Raphael Warnock and Smokeshow Jon Ossoff. They’re both Democrats I think have a potential future eyeing the presidency. I like them both. If either of them are off paying that sort of sort of hush money or have criminal cases against them that have not been prosecuted, I want to know so I and my fellow Democrats can organize a primary challenge against them, unless we’re looking at like minor misdemeanors which I don’t care about. So I’m not calling on the ethics reports for only Republicans to be released. If you’re going to open this floodgate, Pam Bondi, then you better open it all the way.
Oh, but Bondi is against Trump facing justice for the crimes he committed. She argued against the civil rights of her fellow Americans and presented idiotic theories about parental rights to a court that laughed her away. She put her might behind the Big Lie. Hm. It sounds like Bondi perhaps does not care about the rule of law. It seems like she’s a hyper-partisan whose primary concern is making sure Trump likes her.
Why is that? Is there a, maybe, controversial history there?
Four - Green Mile
Remember the fraud that was Trump University? You know, when he scammed a bunch of people into paying him money for an education he didn’t really give them? Well, Pam Bondi was a bit involved. How so? Well, she was the AG of Florida at the time and was considering whether or not to join the New York lawsuit against Trump and Trump university for fraud. Guess what happened?
AP puts it this way, “Bondi was accused by a Massachusetts attorney of bribery over a $25,000 campaign contribution she received from Trump in 2013. Bondi asked for the donation near the same time that her office was being asked about a New York investigation of alleged fraud at Trump University.” She didn’t join the lawsuit, of course.
PBS says, “After the check came in, Bondi’s office nixed suing Trump’s company for fraud, citing insufficient grounds to proceed. Both Trump and Bondi denied wrongdoing.”
Interesting given that Trump settled for 25 million between class action lawsuits and the New York fraud lawsuit. Isn’t it a bit convenient that Trump donated to Bondi, and then she decided not to investigate him? Even if this is all coincidence, it carries the air of impropriety. When it comes to the justice system, even the appearance of impropriety is quite bad.
Trump’s donation, by the way, was illegal because he paid it through a charity and charities are barred from engaging in party politics. He had to pay fines for this. But. He managed to avoid Florida suing him like New York did and like Texas almost did.
You know what else looks improper? See, this section is also titled for two reasons. Green Mile can refer to the distance Trump got out of what in my opinions looks like bribing Bondi when she was Florida’s Attorney General. It can also refer to the actual death penalty plot of the movie.
In 2013, Bondi had to apologize for seeking to move an execution. Is this because she’s opposed to the death penalty or there were supply issues for the lethal injection concoction or there was a new development in the case? Did she have a personal emergency come up that would make her elsewise unavailable for any potential last second legal issues? No, no. None of that. Pam Bondi wanted to do a campaign event. Rather than reschedule her event, she wanted the justice system to bend around her whims.
Oh. So, Bondi has already exhibited a willingness to put her political career over the functions of government and her specific role.
End - Put the Spam Back in the Can
Matt Gaetz’s problem was that he was an alleged sex pest with a grating personality. Comparatively, Bondi is at least competent at her job. Well, minus the parts where she makes up legal theories that the judges smack down harshly. But hey, she is his complete opposite in that she’s against sex trafficking. For legal reasons, that’s a joke. It’s fun to put that statement there because technically you could read that as me saying her opposition to it is a joke.
Bondi has no spine. It was removed so she can better grovel at Trump’s feet. She’s showed a willingness to disregard the will of the American people. She seems susceptible to bribery. She believes in using the criminal justice system as retaliation against Trump’s enemies and has shown no indication she would go after criminal conservative politicians in any way because this is about partisan politics for her. She will say one thing one day, another the next, and then a third a week from now. “Gay marriage will harm Floridians,” she says on Monday. “Gay people deserve workplace protections,” she says on Tuesday. Next Monday she says, “LGBT people are preying on children.” She is feckless. And loyalty to Donald Trump does not hide that she has no spine. But personal loyalty to him seems to be the primary factor considered for membership in the cabinet.
When RFK Jr declares that vaccines cause autism, a thing they don’t do but he claims to believe, will Bondi prosecute the doctors, pharmacists, and drug manufacturers?
As of right now, the American people should reject her, like she rejects them.
Sources:
“Will Trump’s pick for labor secretary be able to act on her pro-union ideas?” - Li Zhou | Vox
“Pam Bondi's Ties to Scientology Explained” - Khaleda Rahman | Newsweek
“Pam Bondi's Lobbying For Qatar Explained” - Martha McHardy | Newsweek
“Lawsuit from Colorado parents who claimed harm from after-school sexuality meeting dismissed” - Suzie Glassman | Colorado Newsline
“Trump Taps Pam Bondi for Attorney General. In 2014, She Called Gay Marriage a ‘Serious Public Harm’” - Samantha Riedel | Them.us
“Attorney General Bondi Backs Workplace Protections For LGBTQ Community” - Sascha Cordner | WFSU News
“Pam Bondi Hypes ‘Fake Ballots,’ ‘Evidence of Cheating’ in Pennsylvania Vote; Provides None to Fox & Friends” - Ken Meyer | Mediaite
“Pam Bondi’s Philadelphia election lies before her AG pick should alarm America” - Will Bunch | The Philadelphia Inquirer
“AG pick Pam Bondi's past vow: Prosecute the 'bad' prosecutors who indicted Trump” - David Rohde, Ken Dilanian and Ryan J. Reilly | NBC News
“6 things to know about Pam Bondi, Trump’s new pick for attorney general” - Michelle L. Price & Colleen Long | PBS
“Trump chooses loyalist Pam Bondi for attorney general pick after Matt Gaetz withdraws” - Eric Tucker, Alanna Durkin Richer & Colleen Long | Associated Press
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